if i can run in heels then i can drive
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
