He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
