either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
