We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
