my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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