I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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