Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
