dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
