Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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