Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
