Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize