went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
