Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
