1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
