Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
