you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
