He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
