I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
