my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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