I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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