Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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