it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
