how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
