I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
