did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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