Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
