you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
