At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
