Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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