Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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