Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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