The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Randomize
