So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
