I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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