had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
