that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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