When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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