Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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