You really coming over, don't trick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
