"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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