So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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