Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I look better un-naked...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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