I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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