your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
