had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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