I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
