So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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