mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
