Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
