There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
