Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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