Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
