i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
