Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
