Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
