Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
