I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
