She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
