Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
