On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
