Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
