just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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