Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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