thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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