The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
