Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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