Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
