I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
