my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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