party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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