It's Friday. Sex?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
