she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
